Infertility & Hygge
Infertility takes a toll on us…. And it’s a lot to deal with.
During the winter months, things can get dark (literally), and there is a unique way to embrace it: Hygge (hoo-gah). I think infertility and hygge go hand in hand as we need to love ourselves through it.
Hygge is difficult to translate, but it is also called “ coziness,” and “taking pleasure in the form of soothing things, “ or “cocoa by candlelight.” It’s all about delighting in the things you love and conducting your life in such a manner. Traditionally, it’s in the winter months, but it’s suitable all year long. Today, I’m focusing on the colder times of the year.
I’ve loved this way of life for as long as I can remember. Last year, for Christmas, my husband and I spent some time in Copenhagen and went on a Hygge Tour. It was indeed one of the best experiences I’ve had. We loved every bit and learned a lot. I want to think about living and rejoicing this time of year while dealing with infertility.
The Hygge Manifesto related to taking care while trying to conceive:
Atmosphere- Lighting is everything here. Find ways to create warm and cozy lighting: strategic placement of candles, dim lights, lamps, natural light. Put lights around the room and try not to focus on one ample light… multiple lights in the room helps this feeling.
Presence- Be here now. This part is essential, and the main reason hygge is associated with happiness. Turn off the news, take a break from the internet, and get comfortable. In the world of infertility, we can struggle to take joy in the present moment. We are often hoping for the future or sad about the past. Recall the things that currently bring you joy.
Pleasure- This type of fun mainly deals with food and drinks. Hot drinks are the number one hygge accessory. Warm tea, coffee, and mulled wine are all great choices. Something to hold and help keep your hands warm is such a treat. A sweet delicacy to accompany this beverage is also encouraged. Cuddling up with something to sip and munch on sounds charming.
Equality- “We” over “me” is essential. Now, dealing with this during a pandemic is a bit more complicated as working with a group of people can be involved... but there are ways. This approach has a lot to do with kindness. If you’re living with others, be sure to help out in ways that you can. If you’re living alone, when you interact with others (zoom, phone calls, social media), be sure to share the airtime. Everyone needs to be heard, even if it’s on a zoom call.
Gratitude- We all know that this is a massive part of life, in general, but I needed this to survive the dark times of infertility. When you’re intentionally spending your time on yourself, take it all in. Be sure to notice all of the things you love and appreciate at the moment.
Harmony- Let go of your ego and competition. When I read ego and relate that to infertility, I immediately think of “Happy for you, sad for me.” Taking this approach is quite difficult for me as I want a baby, too. But the more I lean into the non-competition part, the more I can love myself. It’s quite tricky and takes constant work, but if I want friends my age, there will be mothers involved.
Comfort- Get cozy! Blankets, warm socks, sweaters, and lots of time to relax.
Truce- This is the time to leave the drama at the door. When talking with others, make sure it’s light and full of love. No matter what tension you may have, this isn’t the time for it. If you don’t want to talk about babies or anything of the sort, don’t do it.
Togetherness- Being together with people may be difficult during a pandemic. There are ways to build relationships during this time, even with those dealing with infertility. Finding others that know what you’re dealing with creates some of the best relationships. Connect with people online, and you will have the entire world to meet. We are not alone in our troubles.
Shelter- Embrace being safe at home. Your home is your space, and make it a place you love. You can do this without remodeling or doing something expensive. Try rearranging the furniture or hanging up art. Create an area that you love spending time in. Remember, you are not stuck at home; you are safe at home.
Dealing with infertility can be demanding and overwhelming. I hope some of these ideas recharge your soul and bring you some pleasure. If you are childfree at the moment, then you have even more accessibility to this lifestyle. Lean heavily into the things that you genuinely take delight in.
You deserve it.