Infertility & The Holidays in 2020

You know this year has been intense, and with holidays coming up that can easily become overwhelming. Take time for what you need. Your mental health matters more than ever.

Dealing with infertility on top of everything else makes things feel extreme. For me personally, this time of year is difficult to manage as I want to be sharing it with a child. There is a quote that always guts me when I see it: “I used to think being a kid on Christmas was the best thing ever. But it turns out having kids on Christmas is.” Ughhhhhh… just rips my heart out. I saw this when we first were trying to conceive and thought how sweet it was and I couldn’t wait to experience that. Seven years later it breaks my heart.

I want that feeling but I don’t have it yet. And yes, other things make me feel good, but I want to acknowledge that I still want that life. And I can feel sad about it. I don’t plan on living in that sad place all of the time but this time of year can be rough on those of us grieving or wanting babies to share it with.

So, what do we do about it?

First, I am sure I will cry… a lot…. But then I like to handle it.

Last year my husband and I traveled to Europe and spent Christmas in Paris. This year, with Covid happening we are staying put. Although I would love to be on a tropical beach this year, my living room will have to do.  We are keeping it really small and honestly feeling pretty stoked about that. Fewer people means less stress in my world. 

But there are things to do to help deal with this crazy year and well, life in general.

1. Quiet Time

Our home is pretty quiet in general but I specifically benefit from some breathwork. This can be meditation, slow breathing, concentrating on your breathing, bath time, or simply enjoying your home with no distractions. I’m the queen of multitasking and love doing something while doing another thing. I’ve noticed though, that if I consciously do one task quietly it can feel very nice. I admit that only happens once a day or so, but those moments are extra intentional… even if it’s just the dishes or laundry. 

2. Rest

This one I do pretty well as I go to bed early, but it’s a great reminder for those that need it. Even if you are a night owl just be sure to get some extra sleep in the mornings. And if you don’t have kids you’re more likely to be able to do so. (Relish in those bonuses where you can!) This time of year it gets dark early (even if you don’t change your clocks) and it’s meant to encourage us to rest. Winter is when the earth tucks in the plants and animals and we all slow down. The same goes for you!

3. Start a new fun and easy hobby

This one is meant to bring joy. Don’t make it a huge ordeal, just have fun with it. I’m planning to start playing dominoes with my husband after dinner. We used to do this a few years ago and I loved it. Puzzles are another fun one. Something simple, the TV can be on if you prefer, and it’s not too expensive. Some other ideas are baking something yummy and sharing with friends, or buying a paint-by-number kit (these always make me feel like I’m such an excellent artist!)

4. Stay Warm

This time of year can be so cold… and I acknowledge that I live in Northern California where it’s not as cold as many other places, but I like being warm! Cozy up with some socks, add an extra blanket to the bed, make some delicious soup or tea to sip, or pop your towels into the dryer before you take a shower. Do things to keep yourself nice and toasty. My mood is much calmer if my feet are at an acceptable temperature.

5. Hydrate

In the colder weather, we can often let our water intake slide. I know this well, especially because I don’t like cold water, not even in the summer. When the temperature drops I like to heat up my water! Not too hot, just warm enough for me to consume immediately and still warm up my body. I add in lots of yummy things as plain water isn’t always my favorite. Right now I love two cinnamon sticks and an orange slice. A lemon or lime is an easy go-to for some simple flavor kicks. Ginger is fun to add in as well! Get creative and hydrate yourself!

I hope you embark on this season with some hopeful feelings while still allowing whatever needs to come up. Give yourself grace as you navigate. It’s tough. Please reach out if you want some extra support. 

Do you have any unique ways you embrace the holidays? Please share as I LOVE trying new things and especially during this time of year.