5 Things I've Learned From TTC

As the calendar turns another page, we’re still trying to conceive. I never imagined that we would be wanting a baby after seven years and not have one yet. 

Even though there is no baby, a lot of things have changed over the years. I have to say that the largest and most important one is how worthy I feel… at this moment, without a baby. You never want to identify as that, being worthy without the thing you want most in life, but it’s  essential. I wonder how many of us experience that? Yearning for something biologically built into most of us, not getting it and still feeling happy. My guess would be most of us understand the yearning part, but what about the feeling whole no matter what part?

Having a yearning for so long is a test I never imagined was real and never wanted to experience. Growing up, we never see things as being complicated; instead, we are full of dreams and optimism. Being a kid filled with hope is such a unique part of life. As we age, that confidence can quickly fade, but if we work at it, we can still tap into it. After trying for a child for so long, it’s nice to look back and see there are many improvements I’ve made. 

There are so many reasons to love the shit out of myself. 

1- Pregnancy announcements don’t bother me as much anymore. 

They used to make my skin boil, and now I think, “Ok… I’m neutral.” Am I numb? Maybe. Do I not care as much anymore? Probably that. It just starts to happen so often that you become used to it. I got pretty good at predicting when it would happen to others… like really good at it. People I didn’t even know! I could just see it in them. Maybe I wanted it so long for myself that I could see that spark in others. But, either way, the announcements still sting, but nothing like they used to.

2- Knowing that my husband and I are already a family. 

In the past, the idea of a family was with children. I can’t deny that our home is full of love, loyalty, secure feelings, mistakes, encouragement, growth, and lots of laughter. That’s a family! Learning to identify as this already helps me feel complete… right where I currently am.

3- Other’s people actions and opinions have nothing to do with you.

Wrapping my brain around a concept as abstract as this isn’t easy and honestly takes daily work. And once I see that most people have nothing to do with me, it is pretty freeing. There is a lot less drama… and I’m not a fan of drama. People are more concerned with themselves anyway. Whatever is going on, they are thinking about themselves, not you.

4- Both mental and physical health are vital.

Coming to the realization that both parts of health are equally essential was the first step, then actively taking care of both in my everyday lifestyle became routine. Carving time out for whatever makes you better, in the long run, is a real game-changer… and when you don’t, your body will find ways to make you see that you need something. Understanding this concept can save your life.

5- I am enough, worthy, loved… all of it.

Self lovery is another daily exercise. Loving myself was more comfortable when I was achieving all that I was setting out to do. Of course, I still had issues, but my “life dream” was out of reach enough for me to feel excited to work on it. Now, as I’m in the midst and have many things I set out for and still lacking a baby, I know that I am still worthy. That one took (and always takes) work, but goodness is it valuable.

We don’t get everything we want.

I still want a baby, but I’m damn proud of who I am.
Right now… in this moment.