Positive Sides of Being Infertile During the Holidays
Christmas has always been a favorite time of mine. Twinkle lights are my favorite. Or maybe the sugar cookies, or scarves… or perhaps the festive drinks. I have always enjoyed this time of year…. Until I started to try to have children.
There is a meme out there that reads, "I used to think being a kid on Christmas was the best thing ever. But it turns out having kids on Christmas is." I remember the first time I saw that on Facebook. It cut my soul into tiny pieces that I had to put back together with my tears. It hurt. I want kids more than anything and thought I would be a parent by now.
Sharing the traditions was something all I wanted to do with kids. Things like oranges in stockings, not being able to open the presents until the parents had coffee, and throwing birdseed on the roof so we all could hear the "reindeer." My favorite was always seeing what unique wrapping paper Santa used. He got quite creative! I want to share all of that.
There is a hollowness that set in this year. Continuing with our traditions have been tough without our girl. When I was buying our matching pajamas, I desperately felt the need to add the baby onesie to the cart as well. As we decorated the tree, there were so many "first" ornaments we thought would be needed. Instead, we hung our own "firsts" from our childhood.
This time of year is kid-centered, and that is difficult for us, infertile people. All of the traditions focus on children. It seems so beautiful and magical, but right now, it is a bit dark and tragic. This isn't' to take that spark away from those that are enjoying all of this, but it's a stab in the heart for many. Santa only comes for the kids. Where is my surprise gift I get if I behaved this past year? All of this sugar is making me fat, but it isn't if you are six. Kids will most likely burn this off as they cry from the sugar crash. Every major holiday movie is about some kid going through something. I go through things all of the time. This entire season is about celebrating a baby! I am not against Jesus… but can we talk about how I have been having sex for years and no baby? Mary didn't even have sex and boom! She's pregnant! C'mon… We are trying!
I acknowledge that I am bitter. I felt my baby inside of me. I loved her, and she is not here. Bitter is allowed. I had so many ideas about what this time of year would be like. We are creating new fun plans, but it is with a heavy heart.
So, to combat this, I am going to list my favorite things about December that have nothing to do with children.
1-Twinkle lights truly make everything better. I keep many up all year round. I love going on a light tour of our town. And if it's early enough but still dark, you can get a sneak peek into people's lives through the windows.
2- Everyone is cozy. It is entirely acceptable to go to bed early because it is dark out. You can pile on the layers of warmth, and it's needed. Scarves are there to match a cute beanie. Elegant and long jackets embrace the attire. Boots! Boots with tall socks look smashing pacing through the fallen leaves. (This is according to Northern California weather.)
3-Persimmons are in season. This fruit is such a treat and quite plentiful. The smaller eating ones are like sweet treats that are not the sugar cookies I am always wanting. Persimmons are not in season for very long, so I love to overdo it. They are full of antioxidants, rich in fiber, and reduce inflammation, so they are good for you!
4-Winter drinks are such a treat. I feel like they even taste better when you are dressed beautifully and at a beautiful bar. A favorite is a Brandy Alexander, and then you must sing the Feist song as you sip. Since there is always a celebration happening, champagne is perpetually flowing. And we cannot forget the traditional egg nog with some friendly spirits.
5-Staying in is also a delight. We love to crawl into bed and watch a movie while eating something. The dogs come and cuddle without any need except to be near you. You can stay up all night or fall asleep with no agenda. This also turns into sleeping in as late as you want. It can be your bliss.
Now yes, you can do these with children, but these can be extra indulgent without kids.
Some other small add-ons are: sitting at the bar for champagne brunch, buying ourselves gifts we don't need but want, and we didn't have to see Frozen 2.
It can be the most wonderful time of the year, even if you are not where you thought you would be.