Infertility in 2020
2020 continues to get weirder and weirder.
It is currently the middle of August and the most relatable memes are about how I am still processing emotions from March.
When the world shut down, fertility clinics did the same. Those of us dealing with infertility know the waiting game already. It was honestly strange to have the entire world all of a sudden be able to relate to what we have been going through.
Fear
Unknowing
Loss of control
Waiting
Isolation
Loneliness
Sadness
Grief
These ALL are parts of infertility.
Obviously they’re felt differently, but seeing these words pop up in the media, on the radio, in memes… This has been our life since well before the pandemic.
The world is starting to open back up again, with precautions, and so are fertility clinics. But those feelings are still around and our life is a new normal as well as being eerily familiar.
Face masks are normal… and so are progesterone suppositories.
Staying six feet apart is essential… and crying privately in the bathroom is part of our monthly lifestyle.
Zoom meetings are how we communicate… and not speaking to others in the clinic’s waiting room is still how we roll.
Quarantine at home is making people crazy… while seeing a pregnancy announcement still breaks our heart.
Science is changing the way we live our lives… science is our only way to have a child.
Daily crying sessions… well this is exactly the same!
2020 is changing our norms, perspectives, and ways of life. Infertility has been doing that for me since 2014. Honestly, sheltering in place has been quite good for me. I will acknowledge that I have been working from home for about a year now so I was ready to get into this groove. My garden is thriving, I have more house plants than ever before, dog love is extra special, I am cooking so much more and I am forced to slow down my way of life. I know this isn’t what everyone is experiencing but it is how my little nook of the world is going.
I recall the day before our county went into Shelter In Place and I thought, “This isn’t going to be a thing. There’s just no way.” This is the same mindset that I had starting to try for a baby. Of course, I will be pregnant by such and such date. We only need to do (insert all of the things we tried) to get pregnant. I see the world doing this now trying to understand how to respond to Covid-19. New things to try for the desired result. Failure is a constant part of this but we still move forward with different options. Crazy judgments and opinions are being thrown around on how things should be done by those that are not experiencing the worst of it.
Personally, I am struggling day to day but I also have this background of deciding how I need to feel and developing a strategy to work towards that. Infertility taught me that it is essential to be able to work through some heavy shit. When life gets tough we show our strength. The future may look bleak but we have hope. And most importantly, let’s get through all of this together!
We will always remember this time of our lives. The same goes for dealing with infertility.